This post show that I am alive and will keep passing all the hurdles. 


Acah je tu.


- Started this mere blog since 2008, when I was a dummies teenager which probably curse rather than talk here.

- I made it guys! Any official events, will write my name alongside with MBBS (UniSHAMS). Hehe.

- Post-graduation drama banyak je but you gotta move along.

- Self diagnosing with unspecified anxiety disorder as encountered many hyperventilation episodes without specific triggering factors. Stress? Anxious? That's me in words.

- Made a vow to myself to confess this old friend of mine after passing my exam but thought always remain a thought. Chicken me are not forever ready to brace rejections??

- My name didn't listed on Bilangan 2 2020 for housemanship. So, pray hard will be listed on Bilangan Tiga. God, help me!

- Revision: Did revised but totally scrambled from CAP to open trauma and suddenly hypoglycemia in newborn.

- Political crisis 2020 really opened my eyes this truly dirty…

I will try to accept it.

1. Accepting and still happy
“Be content with Allah’s. If Allah give you a son, be happy, If Allah give you a daughter, be happy and if Allah didn’t give you any children, be happy.” - Mufti Menk.
That just a script of a podcast by Mufti Menk that I was listened a few months ago that accompanied my walk to the hospital. I found it quite resonated me when I listened this podcast. The word of contentment wired in my head. For somebody like me who often reactive and quickly dramatized everything, this taught me to be calmer, collected and accepting everything. I still trying to be one so.
Again, I got the second slap when God decided to send Mr. A (an orthopaedic surgeon) to tell the same thing again. This time, it is really dilated my pupils me as he is explaining that suits me in the situation as a student who going to face her major examination. He actually told us a dua’ that he learned from his professor and passed it to us.
I couldn’t remember the exact dua but I understand the meaning…

broke like hell

The form said I had an axiety when I completed out a questionnaire, HADS (google it. too lazy to explain). They said it must be something with my way of thinking. They said all of brain cortex are just filled with negativity thoughts. That's how they come on how I get anxiety. That's can be true or not. Or it is just me who could not accept the advice. Not so ready to get advice but I am no snobbish woman. Erk? Ever since I am away from my parents means the age where I started life in a boarding school where it is the year you got to plan and handle your life.
I will be 23 this December and I hate it when it is the age where you had to sort out your financial when you are already in a very serious financial emergency!! You have to think about the rent fee, Internet fee, electric and water bills  and food. Can you tell me how am I going to survive within this November with twenty ringgit left? Your allowances is just there for you to settle your debts. :( crying....
This is where…

Signal Kdrama

I just finished watching Signal Kdrama. Lee Je Hoon just had a new fan btw. Without the walkie-talkie that able Park Hae Young to communicate with a police officer in the year of 1989 until 2000, it might be ordinary drama. But the key signature of this drama managed to get me keep watching until the end without skipping the episodes. I like how have arranged all the cold case that they were solving in the year 2015 with the help from each year of the cases. 
The opening case of the drama is about a kidnapping of an elementary school girl who had been witnessed by Park Hae Young in the year 2001. How Park Hae Young able to remember every single thing to do his profiling thing is so amazing. The succeed of the cold case made the police set up a team that solves the famous cold case. 
The second case of Gyeonggi Nambu serial killers where it happened in 1989 also one of the favourite scenes where we can see the sweer romance of Lee Je han officer and how all the woman died tragically who …

A sour goodbye

We never know when we can say goodbye before preparing our heart to be calm with everything.
Just a normal morning routine back in Ward 2 Melor, I clerk a cerebral palsy patient. Just a quick observation, I think she is a quadriplegic cerebral palsy type. The face mask covered her small face, a bit of dysmorphic. The mist of oxygen was around her face, sleeping and seem not so really good.
Her mother was so nice to me, very cooperative me to the end of the conversation. Despite the thick Thai accent, I tried my best to listen carefully and my heart was so fragile at the moments. People always wonder why some people seemed so easy working and treating ill children. Some people just can't hear any cries or else they will cry along. To be honest, I had no this feeling at all, I thought I will be the one who will cry to see all those kids but turn out, I am just okay. Not so melancholic.
But not in this patient. Not this time.
This is the first patient I ever felt so melancholic and pity …

You are your own enemy

Back then in my first clinical posting which is General Surgery posting, I was impulsed to an advice that Ms.S told me, ''you are your own worst enemy''. This is one of the advice that really hit me at that time. In the end, the one that we should really blame is ourselves who sometimes might not push enough to the limit. We all know the one person in life those who tend to blame everything except themselves. (Did you just imagine that person? Yes, I did! Haha) 
Apart from just completed my Paediatric posting that I found many interesting parts in it, I don't have any other else things that I preoccupied in it. That's how medicine has done to me. It shoves all others interest except struggling in paediatrics wards, developing skills to talks nicely to patients especially to the mothers and fathers and clinical skills. Is this me in depression that talking?
This is going to be so boring. Again and again, talking about my clinical life and for somehow, it will be t…

bebels 2017

next week dah start posting baru. peadiatrics. ngee! seram! dan macam kebiasaannyalah time posting break lah kau boleh start berblogging pon. itulah kalau tetiba ada rasa nak rant on something. baru selamat survive dua posting yang penuh air mata gugur di kertas-kertas nota A4 dan kadang-kadang atas Kumar and Clark's, yang aku rasa macam lambat macam sloth nak habiskan satu2 posting. tapi rasa macam kejap like you are passing methane gas pon ado. 
dalam minggu2 posting ni, mesti ada satu minggu yang kau jadi stress, baca buku teriak sat, lap2 air mata baru boleh study balik. huh? nampak kan stress dia tu? and how I cope with this too much overwhelming stress, i will text my beloved friends. sebab kadang2 kita stress bukan nak solution ke hapa bila call, just want a shoulder to lie on. ceywah. tak dak la. just dont want to keep to bottle up all the emotion. kang explode naya.
long case aku last medical posting hari tu. aku present bronchial asthma. the diagnosis is acute axacerbat…