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A sour goodbye

We never know when we can say goodbye before preparing our heart to be calm with everything.
Just a normal morning routine back in Ward 2 Melor, I clerk a cerebral palsy patient. Just a quick observation, I think she is a quadriplegic cerebral palsy type. The face mask covered her small face, a bit of dysmorphic. The mist of oxygen was around her face, sleeping and seem not so really good.
Her mother was so nice to me, very cooperative me to the end of the conversation. Despite the thick Thai accent, I tried my best to listen carefully and my heart was so fragile at the moments. People always wonder why some people seemed so easy working and treating ill children. Some people just can't hear any cries or else they will cry along. To be honest, I had no this feeling at all, I thought I will be the one who will cry to see all those kids but turn out, I am just okay. Not so melancholic.
But not in this patient. Not this time.
This is the first patient I ever felt so melancholic and pity …
Recent posts

You are your own enemy

Back then in my first clinical posting which is General Surgery posting, I was impulsed to an advice that Ms.S told me, ''you are your own worst enemy''. This is one of the advice that really hit me at that time. In the end, the one that we should really blame is ourselves who sometimes might not push enough to the limit. We all know the one person in life those who tend to blame everything except themselves. (Did you just imagine that person? Yes, I did! Haha) 
Apart from just completed my Paediatric posting that I found many interesting parts in it, I don't have any other else things that I preoccupied in it. That's how medicine has done to me. It shoves all others interest except struggling in paediatrics wards, developing skills to talks nicely to patients especially to the mothers and fathers and clinical skills. Is this me in depression that talking?
This is going to be so boring. Again and again, talking about my clinical life and for somehow, it will be t…

bebels 2017

next week dah start posting baru. peadiatrics. ngee! seram! dan macam kebiasaannyalah time posting break lah kau boleh start berblogging pon. itulah kalau tetiba ada rasa nak rant on something. baru selamat survive dua posting yang penuh air mata gugur di kertas-kertas nota A4 dan kadang-kadang atas Kumar and Clark's, yang aku rasa macam lambat macam sloth nak habiskan satu2 posting. tapi rasa macam kejap like you are passing methane gas pon ado. 
dalam minggu2 posting ni, mesti ada satu minggu yang kau jadi stress, baca buku teriak sat, lap2 air mata baru boleh study balik. huh? nampak kan stress dia tu? and how I cope with this too much overwhelming stress, i will text my beloved friends. sebab kadang2 kita stress bukan nak solution ke hapa bila call, just want a shoulder to lie on. ceywah. tak dak la. just dont want to keep to bottle up all the emotion. kang explode naya.
long case aku last medical posting hari tu. aku present bronchial asthma. the diagnosis is acute axacerbat…

learning

So, here I am taking a little break after the first week in medical posting. So, I barely survived surgical posting. Long story to tell. Frustration and disappointment were there. But hey, I learned a lot and still have so many things to learn and to be really good in it. 
Clinical years and pre-clinical years is a really two different worlds. Just like you are in a realm of Barney and then POOF!, you are in Hunger Games. Can you get it? In the hospital, everybody is expecting you to know everything even you sometimes (maybe most of the times) never heard of it at all. That's where your gut struggling to let out your maybe-it-exist-somewhere-in-my-head knowledge. Grr
For all those who are still in preclinical years, don't put away your anatomy, physiology, microbiology and all that -logy because there will be your savior in the hospital. trust me. Now I regret of all the time that I dozed off every time in class. Thanks, God, I did not have that prob in classes hospital. 
In the …

Yeay

Alhamdulillah. All Praise to the Almighty and The Greatest.
I just passed the First Professional Exam and so did all my batchmates.

This exam was the most stressfull so far for me as I even got stress-related backpain that soo painful and mild hyperventilation. And that troublesome episode also attacked me during examination too. 😢

Thanks to umi abah for the endless support and dua'a for me. This two year of preclinical year was tough for me but alhamdulillah still surviving tho. Hopefully, clinical years will be good and can finish medical school safely graduating.

What If Game

Seeing aiman struggling for her post spm education was wretching my heart.
Abah said to me, "Jangan sebab hang, adik2 tak boleh belajar"
Yes, I know. I am the eldest of all. I am a medical student in a private university. This is already my third school anyway just to persue medicine.
Aiman is a very gifted student in arts and she kept show that she want to persue architecture. She didnt get any offer from UPU. She now in Form 6 in art stream. She was in science agama stream before this. I can tell she just keep going on with whatever subject that she had to deal with. I can see it was really not her passion.
If I am not the eldest, If I was not in medicine.. can aiman be able to be in architecture for now?
Sorry to be such a nuisance to everyone.
NP :  Han Seo Yoon - Lost Child

terbang dibawa angin perasaan

kalau memang dah bersemangat
tidoq pon kelaut
makan apa yang ada depan mata

tapi kalau dah motivasi tu dah masuk kubur
exam lagi dua hari pon 
hapa pon tak sentuh

sigh

final uni courses ahad ni
final medical courses may ni
pro exam june ni

semangat nak jadi doktor
terbang dibawa angin perasaan

seronok belajar medical knowledge
tapi nak istiqamah tu susah

macam nak 
istiqamah solat diawal waktu
istiqamah doing good deeds always

susah tapi insyaAllah worth it

insyaAllah

nak belajar philosophy, theology, ideology, history semua tu
tapi second degree undergraduate
macam tak possible kat malaysia
especially when you are already in mbbs

any books for suggestion, friends?





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