calm before the storm

I often misjudged myself. Too much underestimated myself. I thought coming to labour room as my first night as second poster will remain calm as how I entered it.  But it is not. Until, I was told to request Safe O for ongoing PPH. Then. another GXM. Then, my friend who was in OT told me it was until another cryoprecipitate, FFP and platelet.  Attended new coming patient at PAC. Terima kasih Tuhan for giving me all the help from the SN and dependable colleagues. Until  I heard the PPH patient the last resort for her is hysterectomy. . . . . I keep working do all the need as lowest chain in the system as houseman until all work done almost at 1 pm. Back to hostel, get showered and sleep a while waiting for Kakcik to fetch me. I cried all the way back to home as my head kept remembering that patient, Para 1 at her late twenties.  Thanks God, her son is healthy as a baby should be.  Recharging myself today on my offday. Semoga Tuhan berikan kekuatan untuk hari-hari mendatang.  I pray all

wilting before it blooms

need to confess here because I will never be brave and bold enough to tell how I feel. hmmm it's okay bye.

further steps more

  Hi All,  It has been so idle to not type anything in this space. Short story, got few weeks left to finish peads as first poster. Been loving it.  So much to digest, so many broken heart to tear, so much further steps to take. Someone wise told me it's the feeling of dealing with unpleasantness of not knowing anything is the thing that I should embrace, I think.  Egh I definitely passes through the feeling but anxious reaction won't left me alone. It's okay to be not okay and it's okay to cry and to be sad. I must welcome my sadness joyfully. So that, I could take the further steps more.  - Z

Of losing Abah, 3rd August 2020

 Abah had passed away on the first day I officially become a doctor.  I will never forget of the moment of seeing him intubated for the rest of my life. I will never forget of how my last moments with him helping Umi nursing him with whole heartedly. I will never forget of him being resuscitated and multiple times chest compression upon our arrival to CCU. Those last moments that keep on being flashed day by day. O Allah, please grant my father the highest Jannah to him, please ease my father journey in the hereafter, please bless my father who taught me to read Quran and pray Salah and educate me to be who I am today. Please forgive all of his sin and please accept of his good deeds.  Al-Fatihah - Z 

e-Housemen Bil 3/2020: An experience of lifetime.

Assalamualaikum and Hi! Passed Professional Exam II last year.  Graduating last year. Applied and submitted registration SPA for Pegawai Perubatan UD41 last year. Applied for MMC Provisional Registration last year. Selected for Tapisan 8/10 last year and here go finally my name was selected for Pegawai Perubatan Gred UD41 Bil 3/2020. A lmost 10months waiting time if counted from settled everything with SPA and MMC. I worked in as a clinic assistant for 6 months in waiting period. Haha. Could not believe it, I will start working my second job and most important as graduating medical student. Here come forth the journey of a junior-doctor-in-training.  It's all started when my bestfriend, Dhina informed me when suddenly we can register our name in the e-Housemen website on 29th June 2020. My heart jumped inside and I did jumped like a monkey hahaha as I did grateful because I did thought my tapisan might not be selected in this intake. But Allah plan everything right? Upon registrati